Thu the 18th of Mar – Pick up the phone!

The Universe really does operate in mysterious ways…I asked all our friends to picture a happy healthy Mara sipping on a nice cocktail on a beautiful warm beach with her friends very soon. Well, on Monday we sat under the mild Umbrian sun while Mara drank an “exotic” pineapple juice…So Friends, your channeled visualization technique worked and the Universe did listen. Great job! We’re almost there. Now, let us focus on being a little more specific. This time, visualize a very HAPPY and super HEALTHY Mara. Perhaps you can throw in a handsome hunk (or two) and a private Yacht as well if it’s not too much trouble? Also, the beach is in Bali. That’s Bali, in Indonesia just so you know! Thank-you very much.

Mar weighs 57 kilos. On Tuesday, in four hours she gained 4 kilos. She was panicked about the sudden weight rise. The doctors insist it’s nothing to worry about and that the water retention is due to the treatment she’s receiving. But Mar can’t even stretch her arms anymore because they’re so swollen. Let alone walk. She looks like the Michelin Man. Also she had an allergic reaction to the blood transfusion which had her heart racing at an alarming rate. Naturally she was exhausted by the time I arrived in the afternoon.

It’s hard to determine if Mara suffers more from physical or mental fatigue. It’s probably both and clearly one influences the other. She drifts in and out of a lethargic state and it’s difficult to keep her attention, assuming it was there to begin with. Sometimes she pretends to listen, but I can tell from her distant look and her pre-programmed nods that our words are not connecting with her brain. She’s in Mara Land and I’m not sure this shield of her own making is a good thing. It might protect her from the hospital gloom but it’s also isolating her from the real world. And she needs a good doze of just that!

Yesterday I snapped. Since she’s a little hard of hearing (lingering courtesy of the chemo), I articulate every word clearly and a notch louder than usual. Of course I’d never admit to this so when she once asked if I purposely raised my voice for her benefit, I lied: “Noooooooo. THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS SPEAK”. No need to add to this fleeting insecurity. Anyway, where were we before my digression? Right. I snapped and gave her a whole (what I hoped was) motivational spiel. The conversation went a bit like this:

Paula: “Mar, just because you’re back in the hospital does not mean you’re not recovering. So just move forward. Be as normal as you can be. Control what you can control. This is YOUR road to follow. No, wait. It’s your highway to take so just freaking take it! So eat, read, get out when you can and please, please, please call your friends!
Mar: “But Paulita, I just don’t feel like talking. It feels like I’m whining.”
Paula: “Then don’t. Just listen and let your friends do the talking but for heaven’s sake, just get out of your freaking cocoon and get on with it already! Do you hear me? Am I clear? (an unconvincing nod)Yes? Ok, then summarize what I just said.”
Mar: “Pick up the phone and start calling?”

Well, it’s a start…when I got home in the evening, Mom just got off the phone with Mar who had called. While I appreciated her effort, I texted: “Calling your family doesn’t count. Pick up the phone and try again!”
Mar: “I knew you were gonna give me shit. Ok. Ok.”
Later that evening, another text: “I tried calling three people and no one answered…Oh well!”
How convenient…So I responded: “That’s great. Now listen very carefully: when they call back, YOU PICK UP!”